A few weeks ago we had the lovely Nicola in to do some work experience with the team, and she wrote this brilliant blog piece which we couldn’t resist sharing with you! Feel free to share your own embarrassing mum (literary or real!) social media stories in the comments…
Mums being embarrassing on social media has almost become a rite of passage. The incessant hashtags, the old family photos (which really should stay in the album never to be seen again), and the cringey sixteen-emojis-in-one-line is sometimes just too much to take. So, in order to show that the pain is universal, some of our favourite literary characters are here to talk about their own mothers’ internet habits…
Elizabeth Bennet on Mrs Bennet – Pride and Prejudice
“Honestly Mary, your bio can’t just be a long list of classical composers! Men don’t like women for their musical talent!” she yowls. Mum’s full time occupation is micromanaging her daughters’ Tinder accounts, you see. Not that I ever wanted a profile anyway (I was forced to get one). “A bookshelf as one of your photos? A bookshelf, Lizzie? Why do I even bother…?” Mum’s nerves collapse. Shame. Every five minutes she’s on her phone, religiously checking for matches – I think Jane has more than all of us put together. She never shuts up about that. Not that it actually matters – Mr Bennet is having none of it. Especially given that this creepy ‘MrWickham’ dude has recently liked all of Lydia’s holiday photos, it’s all a bit weird…
Estella on Miss Havisham – Great Expectations
I’m slightly worried about mum. Not that I often have feelings or anything, but she seems to be spending far more time than usual on Tumblr. She sits on the computer for hours, solely reblogging images of torn wedding dresses, decrepit altars, and wedding cakes infested by insects. Of course, I’ve tried talking to her about it, but she flatly denies that she has a problem. Often, she replies with something along the lines of: “Don’t worry Estella, it’s just the Tumblr phase, we all have to go through it… Have you heard from Pip lately?” I’m doubtful whether ‘phase’ is the right word though – she’s been accumulating followers for a good twenty years. Playing online card games cheers her up though, and worryingly, she’s rather good. Her favourite game to play is ‘men’ and her username is ‘MaleHeartEater’ – you should look her up, she’s world famous!
Ron Weasley on Molly Weasley – Harry Potter
Ever since dad convinced mum to take a course at the Department for the Use of Muggle Technologies she’s practically been glued to the internet. Most notably, she’s started her own independent Etsy shop that sells personalised knitted jumpers. It’s great – she’s being making hundreds of thousands of pounds because the production costs are so low (*cough* magical knitting needles *cough*). And, it means that we’re not the only poor souls who have to bear the burden of wearing them now – thank god. And, if that wasn’t enough, all the profits are being piled into her new project: rebuilding the burrow to be an indie Airbnb rental. There’s no stopping her.
Georgie Nicolson on Connie Nicolson – Angus Thongs and Full-frontal Snogging
Why did mum add that picture of me dressed as a stuffed olive ON FACEBOOK? And why does she proceed to share this photo with EVERYONE – it’s mortifying enough already?! Equally ridiculous are all the pictures she uploads of Angus, our cat, in the fridge – does she know that the RSPCC are on Facebook? And can that that weirdo Jem – the strangely attractive painter and decorator who keeps lingering around the house – please stop liking all her pointless statuses? She doesn’t need the encouragement!
Matilda on Jennifer Honey – Matilda
I love my mum to bits. We rollerblade around the house, make pancakes and do other lovely things, but seriously, her Pinterest addiction has to stop. At this current moment in time she curates over one hundred different Pinterest boards. The ones of flowers and cute animals and botanical prints I can deal with, but it’s the inspirational quotes boards that are horrifyingly unbearable. Sure, we’re both very happy to live together now, but I really don’t need messages like “You should never sacrifice three things: your heart, your family, your dignity” popping up every time I use the internet. And the cat videos. She’s even getting some of the quotes embroidered onto heart shaped cushion. OMG NO. Can’t she just read a book instead?